The Secret to Thriving During Difficult Conversations

Within the serene setting of a spa, directors of these sanctuaries often find themselves confronted with unexpected challenges and difficult conversations that can disrupt the harmonious flow of energy.

Managing the staff who are co-creating an ambiance of rest and relaxation requires a specialized set of skills. Difficult conversations are part of managing any business operation, but doing so in a way that minimizes the disruption of the client experience is paramount in the spa environment.

In many difficult conversations, emotions will surface on the part of the manager and/or employee. A highly effective director will call upon the skills of emotional intelligence and resilience, maintain a healthy distance from the emotions involved, and draw on the wisdom of their emotions to choose their response.

Managing difficult interactions requires a dedication to the practice of self-awareness. Only through understanding one’s own emotional experience can a person be prepared to manage the complexities of possible conflict. Through investigation of this insight, acceptance and proactive communication, the transformative power of emotional resilience can then come to play a role in successfully navigating challenging times.

The Foundation of Emotional Resilience

Mindfulness cultivates self-awareness and emotional regulation, enabling leaders to approach difficult interactions with clarity, empathy and equanimity. By being fully present in the moment and accepting their own and others’ emotions without judgment, wellness directors and spa staff can better understand their own triggers and responses, fostering more constructive and empathetic conversations.

Likewise, the growth mindset plays a pivotal role in cultivating emotional resilience. A growth mindset nurtures the belief that abilities and qualities can be developed through dedication and effort. This can empower management and staff to view challenges and setbacks as opportunities for growth and learning, rather than fixed limitations. By fostering a growth mindset within the workplace, directors are able to create an environment that encourages resilience, adaptability and continuous improvement.

Finally, emotional intelligence enables leaders to navigate conflicts and disagreements with composure and understanding. Self-awareness, self-regulation, social awareness and relationship management, as defined by Daniel Goleman in his book Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ, equip leaders with the skills necessary to manage their emotions, connect with others on a deeper level and find mutually beneficial solutions.

Let’s look at a couple of situational examples that showcase the transformative power of emotional resilience in navigating difficult conversations.

Related: Craft a More Compassionate Workplace

Disagreements with Colleagues

Spa director Emma finds herself in a heated disagreement with a fellow spa director, LaShon, regarding a new policy implementation. Emma knows that she has a tendency to feel self-righteous when embroiled in debate. Instead of reacting impulsively, she steps back to regulate her emotions, then approaches the conversation with composure in an effort to maintain a harmonious work environment.

Emma starts by actively listening to LaShon’s concerns, demonstrating empathy and a genuine desire to understand his perspective. She validates his viewpoint and acknowledges the value of his insights.

With her growth mindset at the forefront, Emma encourages a constructive dialogue, searching for common ground and collaborative solutions that address both their concerns. By embodying emotional resilience, Emma not only resolves the disagreement, but also strengthens the professional relationship between her and LaShon.

Inappropriate Workplace Behavior

Nadia, a senior therapist, notices a pattern of inappropriate behavior from one of the newer staff members, Stevie. Having worked on her own emotional resilience, Nadia is able to approach a conversation with empathy, assertiveness and a focus on mutual respect.

She chooses a private setting to ensure confidentiality and establishes a supportive atmosphere where Stevie feels comfortable expressing themself. Nadia addresses the issue directly, using factual examples to highlight the impact of Stevie’s behavior on the team and the spa’s overall culture. She actively listens to Stevie’s perspective, seeking to understand the underlying reasons for their actions.

Drawing on her emotional intelligence, Nadia can balance assertiveness and empathy, guiding Stevie to realize the consequences of their behavior and motivating them to make positive changes. Through this difficult conversation, Nadia addresses the issue head on and helps Stevie grow their own resilience through the setback.

Quick Tips

Think about how you approach challenging conversations, and whether you feel you could benefit from added resilience skills. These tips will develop your emotional resilience and help you effectively manage difficult conversations.

Prioritize self-care to maintain a strong foundation for emotional well-being. Engaging in activities that promote relaxation, such as meditation, exercise or a hobby, can help you approach challenges from a place of inner strength and balance.

Foster open communication to help staff members feel comfortable expressing their thoughts and concerns. Encourage active listening and respectful dialogue, allowing for diverse perspectives to be heard and understood. This fosters a sense of psychological safety and builds trust within the team.

Seek to understand by making a conscious effort to appreciate the other person’s perspective before expressing your own. Demonstrating empathy and truly listening creates space for open dialogue and collaborative problem solving.

Choose the right time and place for privacy, minimizing distractions and interruptions. A calm and focused setting increases the likelihood of a productive and constructive discussion. Timing and environment play a crucial role in the success of difficult conversations.

Use “I” statements to express your observations and feelings. This helps to avoid blame and defensiveness, allowing for a more receptive and nonconfrontational conversation.

Offer solution-oriented feedback and suggestions for improvement. Focus on specific actions or behaviors that need to change, emphasize the impact of those behaviors on the team or the spa’s overall goals, and offer support or resources to help the individual succeed.

Practice emotional regulation with tools like the S.T.O.P. practice (stop, take a breath, observe, proceed). This can help prevent impulsive reactions and provide more clarity and empathy in a response. If emotions become overwhelming, take a short break to regain composure before continuing the conversation.

Then, follow up and provide ongoing support to reinforce that difficult conversations are not just for pointing out errors, but also supporting growth and improvement. Regular check-ins provide opportunities for feedback, clarification and further guidance.

Integrating these practices will help you cultivate emotional resilience among all staff, creating a culture of open communication, growth and collaboration. By developing a growth mindset and emotional intelligence, you can create an environment in which difficult conversations are effectively managed with clarity, empathy and mutual understanding.

Gerri Sapinoso Hudson, MIBS, is an executive coach (CCF), certified emotional intelligence facilitator with SIY Global, and holds a certificate in diversity, equity and inclusion. Her company, Vision Bridge Leadership (www.bridgetoabetterway.com), provides organizations with mindfulness-based strategies for leadership, communication and relationship-building.